I have been nursing two poorly imps this week. I have felt like a proper mama again, I have actually been there for them and with them rather than coming home as a novelty act right at the end of the day. This is tough this working mama shizzle, I regularly feel like a sell out.
But the little ones, they are lush and I wish I knew what they thought of everything. I wish I could tap into their perceptions and gauge how they will remember the details of life.
Mind is starting to rediscover the love of capturing these moments, the last eight months or so of focus on other areas of life are becoming tedious. There is much love about our homestead.
If I am honest, having worked through the frustration and anger, the resentment and bitterness with the help of my counsellor has left my heart in a space where it has burst wide open with positivity which is a great foundation to lay for a future of co-parenting from a mile apart. It must too be the imminence of change and the release of years of pressure but it is becoming confusing. I acknowledge the deep something I feel for the man who is the father of my children, who I have been through various hells and high waters with, who I have lived with all my adult life, who I built a home with and who I shared dreams with for so long. In the face of all this positivity I have made monumental efforts to foster can I stand firm with conviction that this gathering space that is already proving good for us is what is needed for the both of us. Some things only time will tell. However strong, now is a vulnerable time.
But positivity rocks and I'm fucking proud of myself for the distance I've come with that. And it can only be good for the children. What better gift could we give than to be a shining example of how to get this type of change and parenting right.