Saturday, 3 May 2014

When sleeping women wake

'When sleeping women wake, mountains move'  ancient chinease proverb
I had to come back to the mountain metaphor I recently mused.  The looming mountain in front of me, the one that if I spend too long thinking about slowly drains me of optimism for the task ahead - that one.  It just occurred to me that there is a more positive light to shine on said mountain, like a clear bright dawn.  There is this meditation I once heard someone describe and have used myself since where you consider the qualities, properties and characteristics of a mountain and hold them in mind to later embody and use to empower.  That turns the optimism back on somewhat.  What qualities then ... I suppose higher sight given the vantage point from a mountain top, a solid base - good grounding, dignity perhaps - a head held high, natural and at ease, even though winds may batter it, despite the clouds that may surround it at times.  The clouds pass, the storms roll on, the mountain endures, steady.
And then I remembered the old chinease proverb 'When sleeping women wake, mountains move' and I like that very much.  It sounds powerful doesn't it and I think it would be fair to say this woman is waking and you can be damn sure she has mountains to move.
I spent time pouring over my photographs of the Andes.  I remember how incredible it felt standing on top of both Putukusi and Machu Pichu and breathing, just breathing, breathing expansively on the top of the world.  The space and peace were palpable.  Pure air, pure being.  I can almost recall the precise feeling.

The energy I feel has changed since yesterday.  I am feeling a hell of a lot more positive.  I danced wildly last night with a friend, it turned out catharsis is what I had been stalking hungrily for a while.  
Last weekend the children insisted I go swimming with them and their father.  I didn't really want to.  It felt detached, it was weird to be doing things together when we never really did before the separation and it could end up being confusing for the imps too.  I need definition, I need to say no, things are different nowToday they wanted to go again, but having seen that Cliff could cope with both of them easily last week I declined and feel this is something that they three should do together, it can be their thing and I can have a few hours on a Saturday to get on with that mountain or do something for myself. 
Onwards and upwards.
Always X

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