Sunday, 13 April 2014

Safe Journey On

I wanted to put this out there for my Grandad, who wrote poetry and who journeyed on from Earthside yesterday.  Over the last few months I've visited him and observed his pragmatic acceptance of the true slowing down of his souls vessel.  Over the last week I have sat with him and watched the life gradually leave his body.  A strange process to behold.  I have realised that each death is as unique as each birth and felt subtly helpless watching him drifting in a morphine haze.  I read aloud to him a chapter of Adventurers Fen that describes a Burwell of 50 years ago.  We both lived there, so much life and energy in the pictures painted through the lilting descriptions so pleasing to speak.  Cherishing that moment.
I know my Grandma has been waiting for him - a robin has sat with me every day in the garden this last week and I have not seen it since yesterday morning and there is a succinct peace in place of the knowing waiting.
Safe journey on Grandad.  Always treasured with so much love by so many generations.

The Summer Day

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

Mary Oliver


Friday, 11 April 2014

Beloved Non-time

It has taken 4 days for me to rediscover the holiday rhythm I love so much.  The non-time one.  Little things have acted as anchors.  Physically picking the kids up from school holiday club where they were on Monday whilst I applied myself to various things was reminiscent of the school run and curiously comforting.  Making pancakes for breakfast, treading old paths, old lines of energy - parks not visited in years, bike rides by the river.  Cooking every evening and solitary morning serenity in the garden just me and my chai, for a handful of moments before the imps sense fresh air and come bounding out opportunistically - entirely forgetting about the existence of shoes and jumpers!   And the intriguing thing is that these are rhythms I started laying down years ago with all the new-mama enthusiasm and passion for creating meaningful traditions, now I'm finding we return to them naturally and reap bigger rewards and comforts than I could have known about.  Even in the midst of chaos we are still able seek out new anchorage in different bays. A random request one bed time from Zander for my rendition of 'My Favourite Things' from the Sound of Music and now I'm singing it each night as each imp hops into bed.  This is good for them and good for me.

Time with the children is a blessing, we have needed to reconnect.  The evenings after work this last term have been disjointed, no firm alternative rhythm surfacing and the weekends though more precious than ever are undeniably more rushed.  But we've arrived at happy familiar space.  Breathing it all in.  They are changing too.  There is less need for me to suggest and inspire their play, I seem to be needed more as a referee for their own games and ideas as although they adore each other they squabble bitterly daily over one thing or another.  The constant whickering like otter pups, only many decibels louder, is the thing that grates away at my brain and patience slowly!  Ah why the hell not try ignoring them, like completely ignore them and see what happens.  This happened ...


Ok so they dug up my herb container for the soil, again, I saw them doing it and with a smile refrained from berating them for it, look how happy it made them to run wild with their imaginations ...

They have a trampoline now too which it turns out is an incredible invention!  Essentially a cage in which they can spend hours wearing themselves out whilst alternating between having fun and fighting within a relatively safe enclosed bouncy space.  Perfect!

Outside there is a feeling of revitalisation everywhere.  Each night the garden is enchanted in new ways with a succession of reliable arrivals once winter starts loosing its grip on the earth.  The snow drops, the primroses.  The daffodils, snakes head fritillary, the wallflowers, forget-me-nots, tulips then the fruit blossoms.  The Elder tree I grew from a small twig now teases me with it's very first visible promise of summer bounty - I'm thinking cordial and champagne already!

The woods are singing too and tender foliage stakes its claim in the barren spaces once more.  Every green more pleasing than the last.



lets see how far the rabbit hole goes ...

There is so much subtle beauty in the world, so many blessings to be had ... the message is being carried on the warmer breeze throughout the land ... wake up, begin again!

Always with love X