Thursday, 6 February 2014

Instincts and obligations, some chaotic thoughts

I am, once again, feeling the pressure work commitments can apply when there are more instinctual things demanding my attention like poorly imps.  It is easy to say 'of course the children should have as long as they need at home with an illness' but I think the times I have said this with passionate nonchalance have been when I have luxuriated in endless days in the home, on standby, ever ready - despite the sleepless nights at work I traded them for.
Having traded my luxuries and although I may be providing once again without living on credit and actually being way more attentive because I'm not sleep deprived, I had all but forgotten the dilemma of not being able to allow them indefinite recuperation time.  Each day I take off for them eats into annual leave that would have been spent with them in the school holidays ... precious for precious, no fair.
They say there is always something to feel guilty about and that the scales are always re-adjusting the incredibly fine balance.  It is push and pull and some deep grown up breaths and positive thinking is required.  For my wild mama heart I need to honour my instincts just enough though - for them and for me.  Constantly questioning my actions.
That is all.
love and light X

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