Friday, 1 March 2013

Letting go : part 2

I'm all mixed up. Confident highs, uncertain lows.  The new lightness has been familiar, nostalgic, fun even but sad and alien too.  Emotion breached the surface as I crept into my cold bed  last night and was unable to curl up in  a nest of dreadlocks for the first time, I always loved that.

And, my impatience and apprehension simultaneously roll around competing like two storms would in the valleys I was born to but the biggest challenge of now is parting ways with my perceptions of who I am both within and without.  Without is proving troublesome since I took some lovely shots in the garden before hacking more off yesterday ... I forgot the excitement and impatience and remembered how much I love them


Focusing on within where  I am enjoying the honour this in-between-time is bringing to transition is easier.  Would it sound crazy if I likened it to the last few weeks of pregnancy?  Well that is what it feels like - non-time - when the inevitable is near yet so far ... ripe apprehension, excitement, frustrations too.  Desiring to prolong the last little bit of the journey yet wanting that end result.  Pondering and wondering if this could well be a re-birth for me so the comparison doesn't seem all that crazy.  Focusing on inner work so intensely is intentional.  I am embracing passionately the conscious movement in and out of cycles here in these moments and working hard so that I may reap what I sow ... and careful to sow and reap only mindfully and with mindful intentions.  Resonating words and themes that I am chewing on in this moment are forgiveness, synergy, vigilance, perception, resistance.

A gift of in-between-time allowing me to wriggle out of this skin, old habits and idiosyncrasies, to start easing in to, getting comfy in the new one - like a new pair of DM's it takes a wee while.  In-between-time to pay attention to guidance offered me and humbly bask in the massive love reverberating around out there.  PEOPLE are amazing.  People donating to the cause I am supporting, loving-it-forwards and conjuring words that warm and  stoke the fire inside.  People right through the spectrum from those I have known all my life and see often to those I have  connected with recently and have never met but totally HEAR in the cacophony of the universe.  Old friends, parents of friends, new friends, distant friends, sisters, brothers, strangers, elders.  In a way I feel I have found a place of magic.

and so another ten inches or so goes ...

much shorter and looking like sticks of liquorice as they really are full of crap inside  :   keeping love and power close to my heart.

Walking forwards with trust and love through the 'what have I done?!' moments X X X


  1. Oooh I remember that feeling so well and it was a year ago for me. I did have a good month of mourning wondering if I had done the right thing, but then suddenly loved the freedom and lightness. Good luck with the rest of the removal! You will feel so light you could float away.

    1. Michelle thank you for those words, just what I needed to hear! It's a biggie isn't it ... even though it's only hair and it does grow back as people keep telling me! Much love X