Sunday, 24 February 2013

Quickening Moon

I love it when I see natural synchronicity with Lady Moon in my life.  Not always is it so but it is all the reassurance I need in this present moment to plainly see it everywhere.  Tomorrow the Moon is at it's fullest in our part of the northern hemisphere at 8.26p.m (to be precise!)  Full Moon is a sign of completion - cycles completing and ending and February's full Moon is the quickening Moon - a time to shed baggage - physical, emotional, mental.  Time to dream, to hope, to accept responsibility for the mistakes of our past and to find resolve and stamina for challenges that lie ahead.  It is also a good time to be gardening - planting things that have their growth focused in their shoots above ground (shoots at full, roots at new).  By chance, or almost certainly not, we found ourselves sowing our first indoor seedlings together .... first the planning, then the trip to the garden center (baskets on wheels each was a big hit with the imps!) then the sowing and careful labelling ....



 



Today we planted onions and carrots outside in the veg patch though the air was fluttering with snow.  Felt so good to reaquaint ourselves.


And we all spent some time creating as well, I have a massive creative thirst right now  ... only partially slaked with kiddy craft supplies but it was heart medicine ....





I'm paying attention to even the smallest of signs that find me, they arrive like precious unexpected gifts in the mail.  I have been journalling and reading back through old journals as therapy to help heal wounds and remember joy.  I opened the pages of an old journal last night to find exactly the themes and words I needed to hear.  How wise I was though so tender in age, did I birth that wisdom along with my babies?!  And it cannot be by chance either that I opened a current notebook, of which there are many strewn about the house, jotted a page of musings and discovered an Oak leaf perfectly pressed between the next two pages.  Oak symbolises courage, strength, perseverance and longevity - things I need to embrace and cultivate a lot more.  And Gaia just brought me an Acorn!


In honesty yesterday ended with me at major odds with both my children and in desperate floods of tears.  I am feeling so ground down and broken by hours, days, weeks, months, years of battling, struggling, exasperation, repeating myself over and over, destructive cycles.  My face was too red and puffy to face them come bedtime and inside I felt horribly alone - that there is hardly any point to my existence.  I write this not to dwell but for authenticity's sake because life is not all lollipops and rainbows, motherhood is a paradox despite the joys it brings.  If ever Oaks attributes were to find me, now would be marvellous please dear universe!  Digging heals in deep like those ancient intertwining roots.

But if Joy is a choice, as those ever knowing quotes doing the rounds in the ether keep telling me it is, then some retrospective happies ... hippies and a woodlouse friend will wrap up the week nicely ....



 






























ALWAYS with love and light in my heart X X X

2 comments:

  1. Hello, how are you feeling now? I have just read through a few of your recent posts and i have to say they brought a tear to my eyes. I also feel the way you do - or i think you do, over lots of things. Life it hard when you are being pulled in so many directions and nothing you seem to do is right! there really is not a lot of time or energy for me to do what i would like to, to reconnect with me. I think this is partly to do with my work as it saps my energy and time especially in the evening. Blogging for instance seems nearly impossible! stress envelops me and makes me feel unwell. reaching out for nature would help me i am sure. I should do this with DD2 as i feel guilty about this precious time before she goes to school, slipping away.
    Sorry i digressed there!
    I hope all is well with you, and let it be said "i hear you mama!"
    love Caroline

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    1. Hugs mama, thank you for your words and for reading. I am sorry you are feeling the strain as well. The hardest part is realising how naive and romantic my ideas of parenthood were before I had them - a rose tinted sepia drenched idea of what I could do, who I could be and I so miserably fail to meet my expectations ... I think that word is key - in relation to the way we feel about ourselves as mamas and for me what I expect of my kids ... it is something I need to address ASAP before it is too late. Sending love and peace and light to you X X X

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