Wednesday, 20 February 2013

My Dread Pledge : finding Wild within

I am beginning to allow myself to let go.  To say goodbye to one phase and enter another, gracefully.  It is happening quicker than I first thought it would.  After procrastinating with both my inner voices ( a headache in itself!) I turned to the voice of spirit and intuition to guide me and if I have interpreted the guidance right then what I am about to do is part of re-emergence into a new phase of life and maturity.  I am about to cut my dreadlocks of twelve years off.  I am flitting backwards and forwards like a bird from feeder to tree; between excited and freakin' the hell out about it, which is why it needs to be quick.  There is no time for indecision.  I am a dread lover, plain and simple - through asking around I have found they are like Marmite you either love them or hate them.  I LOVE them and hear this universe - this is not the last time you will see me wearing dreads, it is just time to part ways with these dreadlocks and refresh a while.

They hold a story, a history actually a herstory if you will!  Like rings of a tree - the thicker more bulbous parts, of which there are two, are from when I had my babies and never had the time to take care of them properly then they taper in to thinner sections where I had to pull, even tear one great matt of hair apart!  They've seen struggles and bitter tragedy, they have flailed around me as if alive as I have danced right through the night and the high times (sorry to anyone who has ever been caught in the face, ouch!).  They have tingled at sunrises, sunsets and salt water washes in the sea.  They have travelled to other corners of the world, channelled collective vibrations in stone circles and at festivals, kept me warm and comforted me at night.  Everyday they have been ready before I am!  They have given me a gumption and vivaciousness I only glimpsed before I had them.  I say it again and I say it loud I am a dread lover, I have and still as I write this  do love them but you know what an itchy scalp never rocked my world really and they are heavy now, oh so heavy - weighty natty most-likely-full-of-crap kinda heavy!  They are emotionally weighty.  I feel my head dragged back and down sometimes, tension and pulling at my scalp and other times I am elated, elevated and bask in their wild wild glory.  It is the wildness I identify with most not the image - the woman inside me who runs with the wolves and howls at a full moon.  I was younger, so very young when I put them in. I have had them all my adult life - almost half my actual life time and now I am audacious enough to hope I am slightly wiser, certainly more experienced and that there is a great chance I can be wild and vivacious without them for a time.  I keep reminding myself its not aesthetic it is not for vanity it is not because anyone in particular has said anything in particular at all about them.  No, this is deeply personal and if anything symbolic.  And I believe in the very real power of symbolism and that inevitably it can enhance a spiritual transformation.

I have considered carefully the reaction of my children who I realise since birth have etched the image of my dread framed face in their memories as that of ultimate security.  Zander at first was dead against it but I have talked with him and he himself put a celebratory twist into the mix and now it seems he's allowing me, urging me even to make it a rite of passage.  He has practically demanded a hair cutting party with a glitter ball and music ... maybe... why not!!!  Why not celebrate this end of one era beginning of a new one?  Isn't this exactly the attitude to life I have been aiming to pass on ... each turn of the wheel is a reason to celebrate.  I've told them we can make bracelets out of the beads and adornments in the dreads and keep a bracelet each if they want to ... and it is of absolute importance to me that they are never afraid of letting go throughout their own lives - if this is a lesson they can learn now when they are very small then all the better that we celebrate and make it so.

I received the only blessing my soul wanted, in it's human insecurity needed to hear last night from my dearest friend who on my first asking about all this did not give me her opinion, would not - as she never does.  But, as she always does she encouraged and empowered me to use my intuition and tune into something deeper for guidance.  This was a true gift.  Throughout the whole time we have known one another and that is a long time now, she has always assured me it is possible to fly without actually taking me through the motions and instead she lets me unfurl my wings, lightly beat them - testing, and stretch them  into the sky myself, catch the breeze, find the currents, find the power.  And once I'd respectfully and wisely explored intuition and spirit she gave her blessing in her compassionate gentle way.  Truly a gift you cannot buy, she is my soul sister, my diamond in the mine that is the whole of the Earth.  There is no other like her and grateful is my heart that it is she who will style my new do!

To me timing is crucial.  Looking skywards Full Moon is a symbol of completion but I am due on at that time and I think full up with with hormones and tears as I always am at that time anyway, it would be a bad time to do anything that is likely to be highly emotionally charged.  New Moon then ... the first day after new moon is symbolic of re-emergence.  My plan then is to gently start the process this next full moon, the quickening moon - I'll cut a little off every other day or so until new moon when the last of it will be conditioned out and the day after new moon I'll be left with nowt but a pixie crop and a cold neck!

I am also keen to spend some time fund raising to make this transition a really joyful positive love-it-forwards one, so the time between moons gives me the ideal opportunity.  I am asking all the lovelies who know me or anyone who reads this and identifies with the cause I am supporting to sponsor me on this part of my journey for the benefit of all the pregnant girls and women in developing countries out there who are helped by Maternity Worldwide. to not only survive a safe pregnancy and childbirth but to educate them in family planning and pre and post natal care, train them and provide access to even the most basic checks and routine procedures that we take for granted in this country. This cause is not only close to my heart as a mother but as a midwife of the future ... for which I will start studying in September! 

Breathing out I am starting to release and breathing in I am finding the wild within.  The day after new moon I hope I can re-emerge a different kind of butterfly!

I am going to keep a photo journal here throughout the shedding of my dreads and my just-giving page is here for anyone who wants to take a look.

An Ekart Toll quote that seems to be doing the rounds at the moment is

'sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on'

I hope so.

With love light curiosity and courage X X X


  1. Ahhh I feel so liberated just reading this!! I can't wait to follow your journey x

    1. Can't wait to share it Bec, thank you for reading and pointing me in the direction of your friends video, which totally made me cry and her words made me think and so did yours. This isn't all going to be easy but I am getting a positive vibe from the universe :) Much love X