Though the days this week have been warm and bright there is a certain September something in the air out there. The air is cool and crisp, there is a gauntlet of spiders webs to traverse to get anywhere in our garden and the morning dew clings to them, glistening like elaborate strings of diamonds. I can hear 'Autumn Days' which we sung tirelessly and enthusiastically at school, I am virtually willing the chestnut trees to shed their treasure. It's that changing of the guard which I love more and more each year. I am an Autumn girl now I think. As I cycled Zander into school today for the first day of the new school year I felt traces of hope and anticipation like I was going back to school. We spend so much of our young lives there it isn't a wonder maybe that sense of shifting and new cycle stir in us still once we're grown. I held less apprehension now that he's in year 1, I know he'll be alright, but I felt a little lost without him, didn't know where to begin when we got back just me and the girl. There were lots of cuddles and kisses when we met him at the end of the day and I place great importance on making favourite dinners, reading favourite books, doing things that allow roots to feel strong in the home.
He didn't really want to go this morning, he really is a home bear and when I asked him if he'd like to take a toy to keep in his bag he said the only thing he wanted to take was me. Though a lot of the time my life as a mother is summed up by this little card ...
we had two particularly wonderful days to round off the holidays
And despite the branded boys toys and cartoons Zander has become increasingly interested in he still pays so much attention to the beauty he finds in nature, what else could I ask for.
After dinner last night we finished off with a fire in the garden which is an event Zander now recognises as landmark and celebratory, just as I planned. Earlier in the day he wanted to list all the treats we'd had over the holidays, a beautiful positive ritual for the end of the holidays and humbling as I learnt more about what he thinks of as a treat - not just the big ones but the little things are as memorable too ... here's his list ...
London- natural history museum and Kensington gardens adventure play park
Cinema with cousins - Pirates vs Scientists
Aunti Fi's house
Botanic gardens, just us three
Beech Woods with Tali, Oskar and Tefa
Woods by ourselves
One of my treasured friends gave birth to her baby boy recently and my mind can't help but amble back over Zanders birth, his first days and weeks. It feels helpful and healthy for me to do this now time scurries by at such an alarming rate. And more often this week I've looked at him - seen and remembered the baby I held in my arms over five years ago. Helpless and new, in total need of me for everything. Thinking of him this way reminds me of something I read in the Art Of Happiness. The Dalai Lama says especially when you are faced with people who challenge you try to visualise them as babies, as we all were, innocent, helpless and in need of unconditional love. It does me good to remember they didn't always drive me bat shit crazy and there's a always a chance more compassion will come from it too!
Again I wonder where did the last year go? Where did the last five go?
In any case: To Autumn, my latest muse, and dancing for Indian summers!
Mummy Rose X