Wednesday, 16 May 2012


So he's five.  My little bundle of warmth and joy has been earthside five whole years.  Considering I'd spent about five years imagining life with kids, to find ourselves five years into our journey with Zander already, is a little crazy.

I love him.

Celebrations commenced with close family on Saturday; as if I needed an excuse to start the birthday baking early!  Always loving their company and saving a space of course for our dear Grannie who passed away a year ago that day.

 I just love the way synapses fire in little minds ... Zander could hardly wait to go to bed on Saturday night, deducing and announcing that the sooner he went to sleep the sooner his birthday would arrive ... can't fault his logic really can you!

I spent every minute of the 48 hours leading up to his birth-hour and every minute of the 48 hours following thinking about what I'd have been doing at that moment five years ago - the good the bad and yes the ugly!  Twas lovely though to let my mind wander back as I decked the house out, wrapped presents and baked some more.

Like a blackbird he lay humming melodious ditties to himself in bed at 5 am on birthday morn but given as how I don't regard anything before 6 as technically morning he waited a while before jumping into bed with us for cuddles and gifts.

His face beamed like the sun itself in the light seeping through our technicolour curtains as he tore through paper to the things he'd hoped he might receive. He's a true little boy now, with boy interests; It's nice to fulfil daydreams and wish shaped holes - mainly star wars shaped holes but other classics like Uno and Mancala pleased him too. And he remembers all the rules he was taught recently on holiday and stupidly I dared to question him by calling my mum to confirm them before we played! Whilst the firsts become less obvious perhaps at this age he is leaping forward once again, he can now follow the instructions for Lego builds with minimal input from us - a relief and a joy and this latest development brings a completely new dimension to the way he can play with these things, half the fun is in the building.

The weather lottery was on my mind most of the week and though a frisky breeze blew we were blessed and the sun shone for his party, those sun dances work every time!  Five five year olds picnicked and chased each other round the garden but I've mused on whether next time we should separate the party from the actual birthday, I think it would have been nice to relax, play and drink the moment in a little more just as a family.  Still learning.

The battle of wills between little boys is challenging at times but I think they had fun.

I started writing this with the need to stop time for a while, ignore school and keep the celebration in timeless motion right here. This being his first year at school is the first year he's not been at home with me almost everyday, I felt a yearning, a missing out, a little rushed and dissapointed. But fate plays funny tricks sometimes and grants wishes in an odd sort of way - chicken pox has struck so I have two itchy spotty poppets keeping me company this week and that is a whole other challenge!

As for my own journey and musings on motherhood I realise I'm still learning and just how much there is to learn still. I remember how short our time is and how I must fill it with as much sunshine as I can. Always with more patience, always with more acceptance. I remember I must not be complacent about this time and I must try harder still to always be present. It's finding the time to remember all this that's hard sometimes.

He's keen to move swiftly on to six now! But me, I'm going to savour the year of five like I would a rich and heavenly chocolate desert!

There have been some fabulous noteworthy quotes this week:

Gaia: 'Oh look Mummy you've buggered all everything up' she said as the pyrex jug I knocked off the work top smashed spectacularly.

Zander: 'Now I am five I can reach the top draw!' on what it means to be a year older.

Gaia: 'Look at the state of me' on catching a glimpse of the pox on her belly which now looks like a map of the night sky.

And this one's a corker ...

On wishing his parents didn't use hippyisms like 'man' on the end of each sentence ...

Mama '... well first thing tomorow you can open all your presents from the family, man'

Zander 'Who's the family-man mummy?'

Happy birthday little man, I love you to the end of fifty thousand rainbows.

Blessings x


  1. Happy Birthday to your little man! This has brought a little tear to my eye actually, how quickly they grow, J is only 3 and mighty proud that he can reach the buttons on lifts now. How we must try and live with gratitude for each and every special moment with them, sounds like this birthday was filled with them x x