Thursday, 3 May 2012


This time of year as my babies complete another circle earthside I fondly reminisce.  I reminisce those precious pregnancy days ... the secret of new life stowed away in my belly, my temple. Of how by the time my due date arrived my skin was so tight and itchy and how I would have to roll off the sofa as standing up from sitting was just plain awkward.

I think about how excited yet terrified I was when Zander was due - my first child, such a pivotal moment, what a responsibility to have taken on.  What was birth actually going to feel like?   What would he look like and at that point I didn't even know he was a he!  Then I think about the birth, what was lovely - my sisters peaceful presence, the lavendar oil gently burning, watching Cool Runnings.  I think about the final hour and a half that was not so lovely, how I wish the not so lovely bits could have been different but I remind myself gently that inexperience is nothing to cuss myself over.  And how that hour and a half window of my life has permanently inspired me and shaped the path I aspire to take.  I think about all the time I spent gazing and drinking in the scent of angels.  I look through his baby photo's and think how long ago yet only yesterday it seems.  How it is all going way too quickly.  Could he ever have been this small?

I think about the kind of mama I am and the kind of mama I wanted to be ... how reality isn't always the manifestation of our daydreams but how there's still time to fill those shoes.  I think about how it isn't as easy as it looked from an observers perspective but how I can't even begin to imagine life without them now ... jeez it must have been quiet and tidy!
I can't believe he's nearly completed his first year at school and to think how far he's come in this last year.  He reads, he writes, he's expanded his vocabulary and awareness.  He came home yesterday telling me 'Edith says I'm her boyfriend' and apparently Edith announced this proudly on leaving the class room too.  Well Edith is lovely and though I'm certain they aren't really aware what girlfriends and boyfriends are they can hang out, that's cool with me.  In any case I had the same little 'boyfriend' all the way through primary school, I think it's cute.

So the countdown is on, officially, because we made a countdown calendar yesterday and every morning he eagerly crosses another square off.

I've been foraging through the city's charity shops and found some fabulous gifts for his birthday, all in really good condition, all I am certain he will love, all for no more than £1 each!  I have picked up two Starwars jigsaws, a star wars mug, a new deck of Uno cards and my favourite buy is a Mancala board - minus glass nuggets and a lick of varnish which I can easily sort before the big day.  And I am holding my breath to see if my ebay bid for the Lego minotaurus game pays off.

Normally may hails sunshine and outdoor celebrations but I can't be sure what our weather will be doing in two weeks time after an april of deluge.  I like picnic parties the best because I don't have to cater for everyone - everyone can contribute, I have heaps more space than at home and I don't have to tidy up after everyone either.  So everything crossed and sundances danced ... please let the 12th and 13th be beautifully warm and bright!

Blessings, musings and love X

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