There is a richness to life that you feel when surrounded by solid friends that you've know for time. Friends that are really more like surrogate family. Friends you've shared nights that became days with, friends that you shared sunrises that became sunsets with. Blissful moments between worlds and the real ones - bitter and sweet - you held hands through in this reality too. The crazy hazy days of young youth seemed wonderful, vivid and infinite but when the family eventually separates off into different factions, to different places to pursue different dreams like any nuclear family would, where is the richness of community then?
Such is the naivety of youth and perhaps the seemingly irrational impermanence of life. I guess I took it for granted we'd all end up having kids together, raising kids together, living out our lives together - such was the feeling of infinity. But the cessation of family life as we knew it is somewhat isolating in the cold light of day. I thank the gods then that I am no longer shy and lacking in self esteem and confidence as I was when I met said surrogate family over ten years ago.
As a woman I need strong bonds and friendships around me. I need my girlfriends, my mamafriends, my sisters and my soulsisters. Women are social communal creatures and isolation is conducive to nothing, it does not allow us to bloom. Interaction allows us to develop our ideas and iron out creases.
In that spirit and with one of determination I'm setting out once more, putting myself and my children in the company of new people who I hope will become more than acquaintances, dare I dream good family friends one day. This is what our past week has mostly been about - sowing and tending the seeds of friendship. Realising that, in the words of William Blake, nothing lasts but nothing is lost.
And seeking new places to hang out in springs warm embrace, on the prowl for natural space you don't have to pay to get into or park at.
It feels rich in a different way to be empowered enough to take a chance and go seek these new friends, to hype them up to my kids and see what happens. I know it works and this is where my determination and faith comes from for I have several friendships I've been propagating the last few years in the greenhouse of love. It's a warm and sunny feeling when you sit back and think .... you know what, this one is going to make it, we're not just doing it for the kids anymore, this is friendship, this has value and meaning, this warms my heart.
And there is always the everyday magic between us four that warms it too; like this second hand old fashioned educational game set. It saw Zander completely forget he wanted to play his Starwars PS3 game ...
This will help me learn my numbers mummy won't it, he observed
Inaugeral pigtails, a rite of passage for any mama with a baby girl.
you know what I call it when we do stuff all together ... a team, he pronounced. And we were; all four of us digging and clearing, making way for mother earth to do her spring thing. There really is nowhere like the veg patch for sumptuous wholesome conversations. It seems to come so easy for Zander to just talk to me there - and not the usual incesant slightly inane set of why's and how's but genuine curious knowledgable conversation about the world around us. I've noticed this before, always the veg patch.
The way my boy draws me with flowers in my hair now. And the perfect pair of green tights.
The bracelets baby G makes me.
How he loves her.
Grubbing about on the warmest day so far this year. And pull along friends.
Finding self seeded wild violets in my front garden.
And the laughable predicament I found myself in having written off my own bike with my own car on my own driveway - seriously - for that week each month I shoud not even be allowed out of the house!
And now bed beckons, along with a strong cup of valerian tea and some poetry to see those dreams are sweet.