Monday, 2 January 2012

Holiday season

Christmas has been wafting all around me for the last month and a half.  The air mulled with Cinnamon incense, clove oranges and the warm vapours of spicy wine.  The imps excitement feverishly grew until it could be contained no more.  But come Christmas morning a kind of relieved calm washed over them and they were full of patience, smiles, hugs and gushing gratitude.

We faced a bit of a problem when Cliff came to wrap this present ... though he tried he could not bring himself to wrap Gaia's doll in paper.  He considered cutting a hole for her mouth and nose but still it seemed wrong.  So I swaddled her in festive fabric and placed her carefully in the boughs of our Christmas tree.

I cannot wait to start he interior design on Gaia's dolls house! 4 storey georgian town house .. think of the laura ashley off cuts I can buy and paste and sew just as if it were a real house, I can dream can't I?

Gratitude and contentment reigned supreme.  Family filled our lives and warmed our hearts some more ....

THAT'S my girl!

Timeless enchantment as no one much cared for the clock, there was no need - as we talked endlessly, 4 generations under one roof playing, drinking, eating and wearing the obligatory silly party hats.  And in these moments I remembered time really can stand still - when we don't need it, it's only there at our discretion.

Twixt Christmas and New Year comes a lul.  Some days have been challenging as Zander seemingly lost his Christmas spirit.  But there have been moments to catch and savour ....


Impromptu crafting sessions and a fox is born from Zander's favourite old T-shirt.  It took me an hour and a half.  I free styled it with only a couple of crudely sketched templates - the rest I made up as I went along.  He is much treasured now and the next day a girl fox was born for Gaia...

Even big brother likes to play house and how healthy that is ... he'll be practicing patterns that emerge next when he flys my nest and creates his own.

Ever thankful to my bro who 'thought big' and bought an A1 art pad for Zander ... a bit of boy knowledge I'd mislaid ... they prefer thinking and realising big, tis true.  Just as well Santa brought him watercolours then.
Hot chocolate smiles after a dull and drizzly but much need walk along the river we stopped off in the pub and even coaxed Daddy out of the house.

The next day brought the sunshine I was after though ...

No lie - this Swan was taller than Gaia, she was not at all perturbed by it though.

So many things have warmed my holiday heart it's hard to remember all of them coming to this retrospectively

... like how my boy wants to cook - every meal! I think his repertoire must be bigger than his Dads now!

... like how keeping a candle burning all day (as we don't have an open fire) adds something - another element, the house feels so much more real and whole.

... like how I've got back into the mindfulness meditations since Christmas chaos subsided.

... like the pure joy of spending a book token on a thesaurus and a book of beautiful poetry by Mary Oliver.

... like marmite chocolate (yes really!  We found some for Cliff's christmas present, you'll either love it or hate it!)

... like finding and re-reading The Complete Secrets of Happy Children ... where has it been hiding out the last few years?!

... like when my girl lifts my glasses from my face and places them gently on my head then whispers whilst staring deep into my eyes 'I love you all your heart and all your soul'

... like making the best god damn bechmel sauce ever!

... like totally blitzing my room and the sacred space it has opened up.

... like falling asleep on the sofa snuggled tight with Zander after a night shift.

So hello 2012, and it's nearly hello big three O.  12 days until I celebrate another decade going by, it hardly seems possible I feel like I'll be 22 forever.  There's the Peter Pan syndrome setting in!  Three O waits for me, inevitable and with the intimidation that society breeds around the number.  But society likes to unnerve you about childbirth as well doesn't it?  And society was wrong about that fear here.  Disjointed late twenties I hope will fade into the mist behind me, as I walk more serenely down the next bit of the path.

New year, new decade - lots of hope and blank pages to fill.  Mostly I want to nurture a greater understanding of little boys psyche's - there's still so much I do not understand about them.  Zander is a puzzle, my instincts are sadly not nearly as clear as those for my girl.

I want to stop smoking, completely, end of.

I want to be the person I am, not constantly chase the person I'm not.
I want to make home really homelyOut with the chaotic heady bright colour schemes we fostered long ago, in with some calmer vintage pastels, shabby chic, homemade bunting for all seasons, recycled fabric patchwork blankets and shelves, so many more shelves!

And I still sporadically wonder weather to loose the dreads ... at ten years vintage either it'd be a good time for a change or it'd be like loosing a limb if I discovered it was the wrong thing to do.  I suspect normal hair takes up too much time, I've grown complacent with my hair being ready in a few quick knots.

Blessings & Love X


  1. sounds like your christmas was as enchanting as ours. I just love being at home and spending time with the children and like you say, time does stand still when you let it. quite a few days wafted by without us venturing out and sometimes even getting out of our pj's. i will miss this when we return to normal tomorrow:( back to school and less time with E. :(
    Anyway i am so glad you have had a lovely christmas and new year and here is to 2012!

  2. ps we have that dolls house too!!

  3. Just before the holidays I was standing in a queue in the supermarket when a woman behind me saw me with gaia and asked me how many I'd got, on finding I had Zander too who was at school she said 'you must be dreading the school holidays' I genuinly did not know how to respond .... school holidays are like gold dust I said after a moment of speachlessness, when else do I get to spend all day with my boy? I can't wait' I replied and she looked at me funny. How strange folk are. It will be sad, so today we will go swimming or for a walk in the woods and take tea in a tea shop as an end of holiday treat. Big love to you and yours Caroline ... roll on half term hey x x x